Marshall
Anthony Wahl, my son, is turning 10 years old today. 10.
Ten. Diez. Zehn.
X. No matter what language you
want to use, we have officially arrived in double digits. Nothing will ever be the same again.
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| Marshall and I on the throne |
Come to think
of it, though, this has been a year of major change. At this time last year, Marshall was gearing
up for his birthday party. Honestly I
couldn’t tell you what we did or who was over.
Unbeknownst to him, or at least I thought, his parents were moving very
close to divorce. It had been brewing
for a long time but it had obviously taken over the house. There was a palpable tension, an awkward
silence. The only noise was from the TV,
Marshall and I playing or my cat Bailey begging for more food. The silence had grown louder and louder to
him, but he never said a word about it.
Once I moved forward with the divorce, it became my job to sit him down
and explain what was happening. It was a
Wednesday evening when we sat him in his room to break the news. I started off by asking him a simple
question, “Do you notice that Dad and Mom don’t really talk much?” The second he answered “yes”, I knew I was
failing as an example for what a positive relationship between partners
is. He shed a few tears, asked a couple
of questions and then wanted to be alone for a minute. After about 10 minutes I went into his room
and asked if he wanted to go shoot hoops across the street. He jumped up and we went on our way. As we walked across the street, we had one of
the best interactions. Honestly, it was
something that put my mind at ease regarding him.
“So, do you have any questions about
anything?” I asked him.
“I have a question.” He responded.
“Sure, buddy. What’s on your mind?”
“Are you going to get married again?”
Seriously. We’re 10 minutes removed from the Earth
shattering divorce conversation and he’s asking about another marriage!
“I’m not sure, kiddo. It’s probably a little early to think about
that. Why?”
“If you do, can I be invited to it? I just think that would be a really fun
party.”
I was floored
and smiling at him. He seemed to be
handling it well.
“You’ll be invited to everything in my
life, but especially my wedding.”
“Cool.
You know what you should do, Dad?”
“What’s that?”
“You need to get on Match and eHarmony,
but not Farmer’s Only, since you’re not a farmer.”
It was such a
crazy interaction, especially given that it was minutes after I told him about
the divorce. He was ready to get his Dad
moving on and ready to roll. It was a
priceless, funny and candid moment. It
was filled, not with sadness, but with hope.
At that moment, I knew I had his support.
That’s one of
the things I love about Marshall. He’s
caring and he really wants me to be happy.
What’s great is that he sees me happy now. He sees me with my girlfriend Emily and how
we have a beautiful relationship, the type I am proud to be in and show him a
good example of how a relationship should be.
He mentioned it a few weeks back.
Unprompted, he walked up to me and said, “Dad, you and Emily really love
each other.” I told him that we did and
he just shrugged with a, “Yeah, I know.
That’s why I said it,” vibe.
What’s even more amazing is watching the relationship between Emily and
Marshall grow. She’s baking and setting
up all kinds of fun things for his birthday party. As she told him ideas, he lit up with
excitement. They talk and joke
together. It warms my heart every time I
see them interact. He’s bonded with her,
naturally. I guess when two amazing
people interact, they’re going to bond pretty easily.
It's funny
because, as I was researching and talking about divorce with people who have
gone through it, one friend bluntly told me, “Kids are more resilient than we give
them credit for. You know what you need
to do. Do it. The longer you drag it out, the worse it will
be for him.” It’s amazing how he’s
handled everything and that’s been a gift this entire time.
We’ll be giving
him presents later today. He’s going to
be excited and we’re going to make his day as great as possible. The entire time, though, I’ll be thinking
that I’m the one who has been given the best present of all. Marshall is the gift that keeps giving, over
and over. His love, support and trust in
me have meant so much in a crazy year.
10 years ago I was terrified about being a father and the potential of
not being the best I could for him. Now
I wake up every day and know I’m doing the best I can for him. He sees it, knows it and appreciates it. I feel like the luckiest Dad in the
world. Our bond is pure, true and
stronger than it’s ever been.
Happy birthday,
Uce! You’re the best kid a Dad could ask
for.
