Marshall Has Hit Double Digits

Marshall Anthony Wahl, my son, is turning 10 years old today.  10.  Ten.  Diez.  Zehn.  X.  No matter what language you want to use, we have officially arrived in double digits.  Nothing will ever be the same again.

Marshall and I on the throne

Come to think of it, though, this has been a year of major change.  At this time last year, Marshall was gearing up for his birthday party.  Honestly I couldn’t tell you what we did or who was over.  Unbeknownst to him, or at least I thought, his parents were moving very close to divorce.  It had been brewing for a long time but it had obviously taken over the house.  There was a palpable tension, an awkward silence.  The only noise was from the TV, Marshall and I playing or my cat Bailey begging for more food.  The silence had grown louder and louder to him, but he never said a word about it.  Once I moved forward with the divorce, it became my job to sit him down and explain what was happening.  It was a Wednesday evening when we sat him in his room to break the news.  I started off by asking him a simple question, “Do you notice that Dad and Mom don’t really talk much?”  The second he answered “yes”, I knew I was failing as an example for what a positive relationship between partners is.  He shed a few tears, asked a couple of questions and then wanted to be alone for a minute.  After about 10 minutes I went into his room and asked if he wanted to go shoot hoops across the street.  He jumped up and we went on our way.  As we walked across the street, we had one of the best interactions.  Honestly, it was something that put my mind at ease regarding him.

“So, do you have any questions about anything?” I asked him.

“I have a question.” He responded.

“Sure, buddy.  What’s on your mind?”

“Are you going to get married again?”

Seriously.  We’re 10 minutes removed from the Earth shattering divorce conversation and he’s asking about another marriage!

“I’m not sure, kiddo.  It’s probably a little early to think about that. Why?”

“If you do, can I be invited to it?  I just think that would be a really fun party.”

I was floored and smiling at him.  He seemed to be handling it well.

“You’ll be invited to everything in my life, but especially my wedding.”

“Cool.  You know what you should do, Dad?”

“What’s that?”

“You need to get on Match and eHarmony, but not Farmer’s Only, since you’re not a farmer.”

It was such a crazy interaction, especially given that it was minutes after I told him about the divorce.  He was ready to get his Dad moving on and ready to roll.  It was a priceless, funny and candid moment.  It was filled, not with sadness, but with hope.  At that moment, I knew I had his support.

That’s one of the things I love about Marshall.  He’s caring and he really wants me to be happy.  What’s great is that he sees me happy now.  He sees me with my girlfriend Emily and how we have a beautiful relationship, the type I am proud to be in and show him a good example of how a relationship should be.  He mentioned it a few weeks back.  Unprompted, he walked up to me and said, “Dad, you and Emily really love each other.”  I told him that we did and he just shrugged with a, “Yeah, I know.  That’s why I said it,” vibe.  What’s even more amazing is watching the relationship between Emily and Marshall grow.  She’s baking and setting up all kinds of fun things for his birthday party.  As she told him ideas, he lit up with excitement.  They talk and joke together.  It warms my heart every time I see them interact.  He’s bonded with her, naturally.  I guess when two amazing people interact, they’re going to bond pretty easily.

It's funny because, as I was researching and talking about divorce with people who have gone through it, one friend bluntly told me, “Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.  You know what you need to do.  Do it.  The longer you drag it out, the worse it will be for him.”  It’s amazing how he’s handled everything and that’s been a gift this entire time.

We’ll be giving him presents later today.  He’s going to be excited and we’re going to make his day as great as possible.  The entire time, though, I’ll be thinking that I’m the one who has been given the best present of all.  Marshall is the gift that keeps giving, over and over.  His love, support and trust in me have meant so much in a crazy year.  10 years ago I was terrified about being a father and the potential of not being the best I could for him.  Now I wake up every day and know I’m doing the best I can for him.  He sees it, knows it and appreciates it.  I feel like the luckiest Dad in the world.  Our bond is pure, true and stronger than it’s ever been.

Happy birthday, Uce!  You’re the best kid a Dad could ask for.